Hit play, and then read on.
Today I had a surprise day off. This led to an impromptu trip to the local grocery store with my mother. The following are some highlights.
-While taking a gander down the bulk food section, looking for something to fill the void where my inner child dwells, I came across a bulk bin labeled, and I can’t make this up.
‘Shelled Peanuts. ALLERGEN ALERT We cannot guarantee that any item has not come in contact with peanuts, nuts or other allergens. ‘
I laughed.
-A conversation;
Joe’s mom stands facing the deli counter, waiting for some sliced meats. Joe stands against said deli counter facing opposite direction.
Joe: Mom… Let’s play a game. Alright?
Mom: Sure.
Joe: Cool. The girl behind you at the cheese counter just blew her nose, and hasn’t washed her hands. The game is this, I bet I can watch her serve more customers than you can before getting sick.
Mom: Oh god… I’m going to the cheese counter next.
Joe: I would advise against that.. but I can tell you this much. She hasn’t touched anything yet, AND there is another girl there.. You can time it and get her.’
Mom: (Collecting deli meat) I’m making my move.
(A few moments pass as my mother gets the correct server)
Mom: Did I get the right one?
Joe: Yes.
Mom: I don’t think it matters, they wear gloves.
Joe: Gloves covered in snot, are still… covered in snot…
Mom: I guess.
-When I was a kid, riding around on the front end of the shopping cart was considered both safe, and a valid means of transportation…
- My mother asked me in a very kind and pleasant way to not call her a douchebag in the store.
-A conversation;
Mom: I’m getting kielbasa.
Joe: SIIIIIICCCCCCK
Mom: What do you want with it?
Joe: What do you mean?
Mom: What do you WITH your kielbasa?
Joe: …A Fork?
-Fun Fact! You can get some SERIOUSLY large bags of marshmallows…
-LOOK! OVEN BAGS!
-Remember mini Eggo waffles? They were so good.. But they were hardly an advancement in waffle technology. Now they have Eggo FUNPIX! Waffles with pictures of kids TV characters on them. Now I can eat Hannah Montana every morning, which I didn’t think would be legal for at least two more years..
A final quote from my mother, ‘I grocery shopped, I didn’t steal a cucumber, all in all… a good trip.’
Thanks for reading.
